desana


Mind the gap
May 2, 2011, 12:48 pm
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I used to hear people say that’s what meditation is–that if you pay attention to your thoughts long enough, sooner or later you’ll see that there’s some space between them.

Unfortunately, the gap I’m talking about is the one between the last time I posted on here and this time, which has been quite long.  I’m also [appropriately since desana means confession] going to have to say that I haven’t been hitting my :20 am/pm goal, though I did put in the sit time this morning and had about 3 minutes of really glorious results at the end…so good in fact, that I stopped short at :14, and now I’m genuinely excited to get to it again.

Um….a picture:

Some results from my favorite kind of meditation.  Mike grows these hybrid sunnies BIG–that’s standard size, not even very large.

Some random Indian statue of, I’m guessing, a Hindu holy man.  From Jaipur last summer.

And this man, who is selling legal drinkable cannabis.  I have become rather adept at spotting these guys, just because I think they’re a kick.  I’m sober as the day is long, I just love a ‘Government Dope Shop.’



Back in the saddle
April 25, 2011, 7:42 pm
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We’re firing up Rel 295 again.  Sat with the newest bunch 3×5:00 today—as always, the in-class session is hard to really focus with, b/c I’m thinking about what I just said and what to say next.  Setting aside–let’s have that be the goal for the present.



new pos’n
May 20, 2010, 12:45 pm
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I found one of our little IKEA stools in my office tonight, and so I used that to sit, or rather kneel.

This was, um, awesome.  I felt like a tower of power.  I focused like a heron overlooking a school of small fish.

Then I read gyatso and did some laundryish stuff until Thing 2 woke up distraught and feverish and hallucinating, which I think actually turned into something helpful for ye olde meditatione.

Last real day of class today.



nothing should ever again be titled ‘don’t call it a comeback’
May 18, 2010, 1:07 am
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{this blogge poaste written with Mookie on my lap and his chin on my left wrist}}

Tonight, I sat for a decent duration for the first time in a while.  I woke up last night at about 3 with some thoroughly fleshed out philosophical images of sliced time, which at the time were fascinating, but also kep

t me awake–I watched my breath for three minutes and conked out again.

So…my medit8n space is now clean, thank you Maggie.  When I started off makin

g prostrations, Mookie thought I wanted to play, and it took some doing to get him to shove off and leave me alone–then he hopped up onto the DR table to try to eat the roses in the centerpiece, and that interrupted things too.

As I sat tonight, I noticed, as elsewhere, this very tight rocking of my body, like a 1/sec oscillation.

My head is clogged, my lungs are sticky, and my stomach is still packed from three days of ‘bait’ food in WI.  The breathing process is very noticeable right now.  All the same, I felt pretty solid. I had a vision of my mind as a great and regal strider, or perhaps more like this statue of Chief Blackhawk overlooking the Rock River in N. Illinois:

The random dribbly janky thoughts that persist while I am trying to concentrate are a bit like a small flock of puppies following that regal strider, ever yipping and piling over one another and jumping up for attention.  The most nonsensical stuff just buzzes away in the background—so I let it.  Like squirrels and tourists at my feet as I watch over the Rock River.

Maggie, Caitie, and I had one of our first dates there in the Winter of 2002.  The statue was carved by Lorado Taft, an ancestor of Jane Kirkland Smith, an old family friend and sometime love interest for my grandfather.

I originally sat down at 8:36, and planned to sit until everyone got home from Roanoke–expected at 9:00–but I hopped up and wanted to try to get this written before they landed.  Mookie is having a fit–they must be home.



In which I return to my full powers
May 11, 2010, 2:39 am
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Never, ever meditate in your in-laws house.  I didn’t.  It can’t be done. Thus I took two days off.

But I sat tonight, breathed for 8 and contemplated the sack of filth that is my body for 7.  In themiddle of all this, the dog came in and licked me twice. I barely noticed.

That is all.



Making adjustments
May 5, 2010, 2:44 am
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Yesterday I wrote about the list of mistakes that I seem to be, unintentionally, compiling.  Today I remedied at least one by doing my meditation as soon as possible–probably also helped that it only took 3.5 verses of tangled up in blue for thing 2 to fall asleep.  I also sat right before class today. And I am now poised to potentially get enough sleep for once.  This is good because the glop in my lungs is really trying to get out now, and making me miserable in the process.

5-10 minutes of mindfulness is really feeling like next to nothing now.

And tonight, when I was sitting and feeling very aware of the tickle in my bronchioles that won’t go away, I actually watched a distracting thought come into being.  They don’t just come from nowhere–and that’s good because that means we can do something about them.  On the other hand, there does seem to be a steady stream of nonsensical chatter that hopes that I might give it some attention, or maybe two rupees.

Defending the diss in 60 hours; graduating from school forever in 10 days; back in India in 23 days.



what doesn’t work
May 4, 2010, 5:42 am
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Sometimes I feel liek I’m compiling a catalog of what doesn’t work.  A big one is not getting enough sleep.  I am sick with something vile residing in my lungs, and haven’t slept nearly enough for days.  Meditating in the dark–also not good. Saving meditation till the last thing in the day–fail.  Doinking around on the computer for an hour or two first, definitely bad.  Now–to not do all those things.

Caitlin, my 11yo daughter, likes to use my new meditation cushion in lieu of an airguitar.  ??




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